Why marriages don't last nowadays? (2023)

Why are marriages not lasting anymore?

Some of the major factors behind the long-term decline in the marriage rate have been female education and labor force participation, women's economic independence and gender equality. America is also experiencing growing numbers of women and men living alone as well as increasing unmarried cohabitation.

1) Attrition

“People grow apart and give up over time. Everyone's lives are so busy that we wind up being ships passing in the night, we lose touch, and you stop feeling like you're in a marriage,” Libby says.

Lack of commitment is the most common reason given by divorcing couples according to a recent national survey. Here are the reasons given and their percentages: Lack of commitment 73% Argue too much 56%

The majority of men and women in this study mentioned affective dimensions of their marriage relationship - encompassing communication problems, incompatibility, changed lifestyle desires and instances of infidelity - as the main reason for their divorce.

What is the average length of marriage? On average, the length of a marriage in the U.S. is seven to eight years. Some states have a higher rate than others, but the divorce rate for the country is around 50%.

According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, as it turns out, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.

Communication Issues

The most common complaint among married couples is lack of communication. Many couples put up with problems rather than try to fix them. In the beginning they agreed he would earn money and she would take care of the house and kids.

One study of nearly 900 people who had been through a divorce found that only 39% of them regretted getting married. Why would 6 out of 10 think a marriage that didn't work was still a good choice?

A study led by the American Sociological Association determined that nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. And the percentage of college-educated American women who initiated divorce is even higher.

What profession has the highest divorce rate?

The average age at the first divorce

The average age for newly married couples going through their first divorce in the United States is 30 years old. About 34% of all divorces initiate spouses aged 25 to 29. The percentage of people 55 to 64 years old who got divorced for the first time is about 43%.

According to various studies, the 4 most common causes of divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity or extramarital affairs, too much conflict and arguing, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are lack of shared interests and incompatibility between partners.

According to a recent survey of 191 CDFA professionals from across North America, the three leading causes of divorce are "basic incompatibility" (43%), "infidelity" (28%), and "money issues" (22%).

If life on the East coast isn't your thing or Hawaii is too expensive of a move, tying the knot in the middle of the country might not be a bad idea. The study of long-lasting love and marriage found that South Dakota actually has the highest “marriage score” of any state in the country.

And many likely do last a lifetime, because couples fall into the trap of thinking that sexless marriages are “normal.” While they are common – estimates for the number of sexless marriages range from 10 to 20 percent of all marriages – if one or both partners are unhappy, that is never normal.

While the national average marriage length is just under 20 years, couples in Maine and West Virginia typically have the longest-lasting unions.

For women, “early” referred to the wedding before the age of 23, “on time” meant they wedded between the ages of 23 and 27, and “late” was defined as they married after the age of 27.

Dr. Fisher believes that marriages that take place when the couple is in their late 20s to mid 30s are most successful. "By the time we are getting to the late 20s we have a clear sense of who we are and what we want out of life," he explains.

What year do most couples break up?

The likelihood of a breakup jumps down as the second and again the third years of a relationship pass. But the fourth year of a couple's life is just as likely as the third to end in departure. It's only after a couple reaches the 5th year of their relationship that the likelihood of break up falls sharply.

Trust is what gives one peace of mind in a relationship. Very often, many have found that they have invested too much trust in a relationship, all for it to go to waste. Lack of trust kills love.

The biggest thing couples do to kill intimacy in marriage is failing to schedule time for it. Sometimes couples don't recognize the need to build space for intimate moments in their lives. There seems to be an expectation that romance and desire should happen naturally.

Killer #1: Over Familiarity

This is the most common killer and is present in every single marriage that is not doing well. It is present even when couples think, "everything is fine."

Did you know that six out of ten marriages are unhappy? If you are one of the six, talking to a coach can provide a better understanding of your feelings.

The recent Annual Relationship, Marriage, and Divorce Survey conducted by Avvo online marketplace for legal services found that men are more likely to regret breaking up than women. Of the 254 divorced women surveyed, only 27% said they regretted their divorce.

“A marriage may not be worth saving if your partner refuses to work on anything or take responsibility for creating a joint life,” Sherman says. “If they call all the shots and none of your needs are ever heeded, you may decide that the only way to create a healthy relationship is by yourself or with someone new.”

While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.

For some, divorcing late in life, also known as “gray divorce”, is a result of empty nest syndrome, where their kids have left the house and they realize they're not as in love as they once were or lack common interests, while for others it could be involuntary, with one spouse finding someone else.

Why do older couples grow apart?

Routine, responsibilities, unresolved conflict, and not spending quality time together are just a few reasons couples grow apart.

Gray (or grey) divorce refers to a divorce involving individuals who are 50 years of age or older. Many high-profile cases, such as Bill and Melinda Gates, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, have brought attention to the growing number of gray divorces.